Oh Boogie
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I don't know why I'm so upset with speaking to any one of my own family members. I feel so frustrated even when my brother called. I don't know why. I didn't even wish my mother "Happy Birthday".
I think when I finish NS, I'm just going to drop everything behind, move out of the house, find a room to rent, get a job as a paralegal. Give myself about 5 years, before I get myself a flat and settle down. And no, I don't think I will further my studies to become a lawyer. I think I'll be satisfied with being a paralegal.
I know in the past, I was told not to discount myself because I'm capable of a lot more. But isn't that what's told to everyone? That was what I thought too. But when I realized that I could do more, it was a little too late. The motivation to even do more isn't there anymore. There's no more drive.
Honestly, with my family, I'm extrememly tired with whatever has been going on. It's a reality I cannot escape from. I feel like I'm hanging on with my teeth now. It's getting tiring to have to constantly pretend. I can't possibly keep this up forever.
Just 3 months ago, my life was blissful and normal. I thought it was the best thing in the world. That my brother actually wanted to do stuff around the house, and actually go out with us for dinner. I didn't know that all was about to be shattered with one conversation. After which I have to act my life out as if I didn't know anything at all. I wonder if they noticed, they more than half the time I'm couped up in my own room now. Sigh, my life has suddenly become an interim of acting.
I think when I finish NS, I'm just going to drop everything behind, move out of the house, find a room to rent, get a job as a paralegal. Give myself about 5 years, before I get myself a flat and settle down. And no, I don't think I will further my studies to become a lawyer. I think I'll be satisfied with being a paralegal.
I know in the past, I was told not to discount myself because I'm capable of a lot more. But isn't that what's told to everyone? That was what I thought too. But when I realized that I could do more, it was a little too late. The motivation to even do more isn't there anymore. There's no more drive.
Honestly, with my family, I'm extrememly tired with whatever has been going on. It's a reality I cannot escape from. I feel like I'm hanging on with my teeth now. It's getting tiring to have to constantly pretend. I can't possibly keep this up forever.
Just 3 months ago, my life was blissful and normal. I thought it was the best thing in the world. That my brother actually wanted to do stuff around the house, and actually go out with us for dinner. I didn't know that all was about to be shattered with one conversation. After which I have to act my life out as if I didn't know anything at all. I wonder if they noticed, they more than half the time I'm couped up in my own room now. Sigh, my life has suddenly become an interim of acting.