Oh Boogie
Hello!Welcome to www.whispering-bliss.blogspot.com!
This is only upon special request from someone. And it's only open to that someone.
This is only upon special request from someone. And it's only open to that someone.
My trusty lil' book.
Don't you think it's a little bit dumb to ask me whether I have enough money to sustain myself when I'm only receiving $240 a month because I'm working on Saturdays which only pays me $60 a day. But that's not having factored in the fact that I pay for my own insurance? Which take a freagin' HUUUUUUUGE chunk out of my meagre allowance? YOU ARE AWARE that I'm already living off the money that I PAID YOU BACK WITH. And I'm already halfway to having depleting it and having to move on to my own FEDERAL RESERVES that I've kept for rainy days.
Seriously, what's the point of having parents around when they don't exactly give you financial backing? Do I having to crawl to you and tug at your pants and spit out the words "Help me please, because I'm pretty much broke"? What's the point of having parents around when they don't offer advice to you? Seriously, the last time I ever remembered even having a heart to heart talk with my mom, 3 years ago I think. The last time I ever had a heart to heart talk with my dad, never. The only things I remember about my dad, are teaching me when I was in primary school, having dinner with hims on weekends, and all the bad stuff I've been told by my mom. Like, what the hell? If I didn't have parents, my current plight wouldn't be so bad. I would gladly accept it with open arms actually.
Pathetic.
My thoughts on current affairs.
The conflict in Sri Lanka.
I wouldn't say I've been following the story closely. Maybe there're hidden factors that we do not catch wind of. From what I do know, negotiations fell out, therefore leading to conflict in the past. In an attempt to flush out the rebels, what the government did was to have military conflict. I'm wondering if amnesty was offered. Was there a better alternative to mindless bloodshed which involved civiallian casualty and deaths?
Would it not have been better if the rebels were given a chance? What were they fighting for? Their own state because they were stateless, no citizenship and no recognition in a nation that they resided in. But they lived like peasants simply because they belong to no country that they can call home. Was it fair for them to have fought for so long yet to only in the end perish in a fight they couldn't have possibly won? There appears to be no leeway on the governments part.
Things might have changed, if they were offered citizenship, and more recognition? What's more, the difference between the two ethnic groups, Tamils and Sinhalese caused a rift in terms of prioritization when it came to voting, education, housing and welfare. Even the language that's used locally is different. It was, learn the Sri Lanka language or face expulsion from your job. It was a do or don't do situation. When it comes down to this, I think any man would have rebelled against that sort of ruling. It's simply almost impossible for the average individual to pick up a completely different language and be fluent in it by 2-3 years under pressure. Personally, I would go against it as well.
As there were no hope for these individuals who have been unfairly treated, they turn to their most likelihood of hope. The LTTE. Despite being outnumbered and most likely out-equipped by their opposition. Formed from failed attempts at negotiations and peaceful protests. When negotiations fail, even when it is a verbal conversation between you and I, physical violence are most likely to ensue.
Would things have turned out differently, if amnesty was offered. And that, for an equal percentage of LTTE that surrendered, an equal percentage of Tamil's would be extradited to India and given citizenship? To begin with, fighting for their own state was their main cause, was it not? Because they were stateless.
Why is it that in retrospect to the Malayan Emergency in the 1948-1960, that nothing was learnt? It's saddening to know that, even with the study of History, unecessary bloodshed still exists today. For whatever reasons, ideals, beliefs, religion, or way of life, violence will continue to ensue and be part and partial in our lives.
Obviously the study of History has failed because documented events of violence, dictatorship, war and bloodshed still reoccur, and the cycle of History continues.
Just what the hell are you trying to do?! Trying to get so close to him all of a sudden!? Stay away from him, stay away from us. You're in your own league now. You have no business with us. You undermined our family, and now you want to try to do what you should have done years ago. Despicable.
Everywhere I turn, I can't move. Because of these four walls. I can't see beyond the four walls either. Maybe I should have closed the window instead of letting it wide open.
I've never cried this much over anyone. I've never cried this many times over anyone. I've never cried this many times within a month. I've never stayed up more awake at this time, unable to sleep this many times before.
But I've been given shorter amount of times to do things people would require a lot more time to do. Obviously, I've failed in successfully doing within a week, what people would take atleast 3 week to do successfully. I've never felt so doubted. I've never felt this much of a failure before.
I've never felt so helpless before. I've never felt so sorry before. I've never felt so alone before. I've never trembled so much before.
There's one more line I would like to add. But I can't add it here.
I don't know why I'm so upset with speaking to any one of my own family members. I feel so frustrated even when my brother called. I don't know why. I didn't even wish my mother "Happy Birthday".
I think when I finish NS, I'm just going to drop everything behind, move out of the house, find a room to rent, get a job as a paralegal. Give myself about 5 years, before I get myself a flat and settle down. And no, I don't think I will further my studies to become a lawyer. I think I'll be satisfied with being a paralegal.
I know in the past, I was told not to discount myself because I'm capable of a lot more. But isn't that what's told to everyone? That was what I thought too. But when I realized that I could do more, it was a little too late. The motivation to even do more isn't there anymore. There's no more drive.
Honestly, with my family, I'm extrememly tired with whatever has been going on. It's a reality I cannot escape from. I feel like I'm hanging on with my teeth now. It's getting tiring to have to constantly pretend. I can't possibly keep this up forever.
Just 3 months ago, my life was blissful and normal. I thought it was the best thing in the world. That my brother actually wanted to do stuff around the house, and actually go out with us for dinner. I didn't know that all was about to be shattered with one conversation. After which I have to act my life out as if I didn't know anything at all. I wonder if they noticed, they more than half the time I'm couped up in my own room now. Sigh, my life has suddenly become an interim of acting.