Oh Boogie
Hello!Welcome to www.whispering-bliss.blogspot.com!
Posting results: Business management, Nanyang poly.
Posting results are due in about 3 more days! And my current thoughts are as follows:
I think I'm damn lucky compared to that guy. And man, I really really want to help him. But seriously, I don't know how to. If I'd were to be in his position, I'd have taken firm action and just kill the switch on the relationship. His is really really not healthy at all.
His gf wants to see him everyday, but the point is that he has his own life, and she has hers. Kinds of defeats the purpose of having a serious relationship, if both sees each other everyday. I understand that there's the..urge to see the other party. But isn't that what keeps the relationship going??? To get to see the one you love once in a while. A friend, and a girl/boyfriend are really two different things. However for both, one cannot take for granted.
I really want to help him, but I don't know how. The solution is clear, and it's a simple solution. But the execution of the solute, seems to be...more complex than what I first thought it out to be.
Hmmmm, you know. I think I'm really really lucky to have you. I'm glad to have met you. Unlike my ex, you're a whole completely different person. The both of you are worlds apart. But I'd pick you instead anyday now. Because you're you. And what's more, with you, I can breathe. Unlike the past when I felt a little bit suffocation now and then. I can breathe because you let me. You give me the space I need. Not the space I want, but what I need. I feel and think that that's enough, even though sometimes I feel that my life isn't mine any longer. But you're not the factor. It's because I've got quite a mountain of things to clear out of my way at the moment. But thinking of you keeps me going forward now.
Probably no one knows. But it's hard to juggle these things. It's not easy for me to do this. I've got multiple commitments, and all these are going to lower my credibility only. Not only as a boyfriend, but as well as a gamer, a son, a good friend, and a nephew.
I feel like my life has been ripped out of my hands. I picture my past, me sitting in front of the computer, fragging away in Call of Duty 4, and fragging well at it as well. However today, I'm pathetically typing this out, soon after I've finished a not-so-well-played RA3 game with Syed and Leonard.
If I had a choice, I wouldn't have put Business Management as the top choice for my JAE. If not for my Uncle, who'd given me so much over the course of the past 4 years. I would have not put it in. Somehow I have the gut feeling that my posting has already solidified, and it's Business Management. There are things that I want to do, Biomedical, Law & Management, particularly, Astrophysics, Quantam Physics, and History. I have been subtlely put in a position where if I do not even try for Business Management, I will be disappointing my Uncle.
My schedule isn't forgiving. I have to take the day off this coming Monday, and I don't want to. I don't have a choice. There're doings that are outside my control that I have to contend with. I don't like this either way, but I have to deal with it. As a matter of fact, I have only 2 work days next week effectively, and this is NOT looking good on my credibility. Still, it isn't something that's within my power to change.
I like games. Especially computer games. I can spend hours on end playing one. Today, I can't do the same. Simply because I've got another commitment.
I really really really feel like killing the switch. But I can't, because I asked for it. Therefore, I'm going to have to endure it whether I like it or not.
PS: As for that asshole who doesn't know how to prioritize his schedule. Thanks for telling me that you were away for an event that was by your Uncle, but ended up to be playing soccer. I don't care if it's a match or anything. But thanks for showing me that despite all that we've been through, you'd rather care about your credibility on others instead of someone whom from what I recall, depended on quite a bit. I don't recall them getting you a job for a roadshow. I don't recall you saying anything about them visiting someone in the hospital. I can't recall people actually walking up to your fucking doorstep to pass you worksheets from the day that you have a medical leave from school, apart from that girl whom I've started to think that you still take for granted. Thanks a whole fucking bunch asshole.
The completely unexpected happen. The results. Goodness, even though I don't quite care about them.
7 Pounds. Deep, literature, meaningful, beautiful in it's own way. But I cannot appreciate it.
I seeped out of my slumber in the comfort of my bed, only to have a slight grasp of consiousness of my familiar surroundings. Unwittingly reaching for my phone, I punched a random button and watch the screen light up.
A message and a miscall.
What startled me was the nature of the message, and the timing of it. It was slated to arrive only two hours from when I woke up, 6.30am. The first three letters was most alarming.
MOE: You have been posted to Business Management(C94) of Nanyang Polytechnic.(Actually this is all I remember of the message.)
Somehow, I find myself loving you more and more each day.
Posting results are due in about 3 more days! And my current thoughts are as follows:
"Gosh, HOLY FUCK, WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I PUT BM AS THE FIRST CHOICE! Shit, FUCK. DAMNIT, DAMN ME!! Damn me and my stupid clogged up noggin when I hit the comfirm button. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Damnit, smashing my head against the wall wouldn't do good either. DAMNIT. Smashing over 6 times won't do anything either. Sigh. Okay me, calm down, breathe in, breathe out. Okay, good. Just pray god damned hard that BM is full of 12 points people. Please please please please please please please please."
Okays. Rants over, life's back to normal, no point regretting my decision now. Phew.
CNY celebrations. First thing that hit my head:"Lame" Especially this year. We didn't go out on the 2nd day. 1st day was a complete flop. Apparently my 2nd aunt doesn't understand the concept of "more than enough". It is a complete pain up the ass. And I had already planned to eat at the temple because the food there is sooooo much more palatable and actually better! I like the vegetarian food served at the temple every CNY. Take that aunt. >=D Your food isn't as great as you think. So stop ranting on and on and on and on about how you came up with ideas on how your food came along. No one appreciates the thought of being used as a guinea pig for your experiments. Though I really love your hospitality, but sometimes it is simply overboard.
Where'd did we go after 2nd aunt.....well, no where spectacular or anything worth remembering actually. Or rather, nothing with an impact that made me remember anything.
All in all, damn. This year's CNY really sucked. Really.
Shopping with An, damn, I like that pair of jeans!!! Though I realize something all of a sudden. My shoes are white. My sony uniform is BLACK. Something is wrong here. Damn, I hate my sense of fashion more than half the time. I really really hate it.
Recently, something that Jordan has said, has gotten to me quite well, "Qi, you're the study type, can tell."
Seriously, I haven't really studied for 17 years of my life until prior to the O'levels, even which I only started taking my studies seriously about 5 months before O'levels. PSLE, played my games through it. N'levels, only started about 3-5 weeks before the examinations simply because of my wonderfully entertaining english teacher, Mr Yeo Yam Hwee.
If I'm really the study type, I think I would have started studying way way before my secondary school days. I have discipline, but, it's the wrong type of discipline that would put me infront of a book for 9 hours a day. I simply cannot do that. Trust me Jordan, I've tried to start during when we studied together. When you, An, Liang, and Vin weren't at the room yet, occasionally I would plant myself there first, or somewhere else, and start my own thorough reading of my History textbook. I simply cannot study for an extended period of time. I will go crazy. Maybe now I wouldn't because I would love to find something to do apart from gaming and work.
As for myself, I guess I've found disappointment towards myself. For making that impulse decision for that brief moment. Guess I find myself in a pique right now. Life's about making unexpected decisions here and there.
I was once told by someone I cannot name, because that night's coversation never happened between him and me, that my relationship that's ongoing with someone right now, was almost as good as not there. Sad to say, I want to refute that. A relationship doesn't have to be an everyday constantly messaging each other. A relationship is built on trust, not via the virtual connection of two phones. The simple connection of thoughts is enough to keep either party going, should no communication occur between the two parties. And most importantly, both parties have to be sincere and faithful to their cause. No point having a relationship where either of each party feels the slightest distrust or doubt towards the other, because when it happens, the very foundation which the relationship has been built upon crumbles. Ripples will echo out not only to the related parties. But the friends as well, as they are the ones who share the impact of the foundation. Because ultimately they offer their shoulders to help soften the truth. So is my relationship with her close to a friendship? Sadly I think not. And I would prefer to think that it will never become just a friendship.
I love her alright? I love her kinda badly, I mean really, if ever anyone were to really know how much I want to see her and hold her close because I'm afraid to lose her, it'd be my ex.Because only she knew how afraid I was to lose her. But if anyone could sympathize with me how it felt like to lose my ex, it'd be the person I love right now. And I hope no one takes her away from me. Sigh.
Aye, enough enough. Enough of this sort of rantings. Work starts this saturday. And I kind of forgot, whether we had to wear formal wear to work or not. Oops.
Yay, I get to see someone tomorow evening. Damn, I'm happy. =D
I think I'm damn lucky compared to that guy. And man, I really really want to help him. But seriously, I don't know how to. If I'd were to be in his position, I'd have taken firm action and just kill the switch on the relationship. His is really really not healthy at all.
His gf wants to see him everyday, but the point is that he has his own life, and she has hers. Kinds of defeats the purpose of having a serious relationship, if both sees each other everyday. I understand that there's the..urge to see the other party. But isn't that what keeps the relationship going??? To get to see the one you love once in a while. A friend, and a girl/boyfriend are really two different things. However for both, one cannot take for granted.
I really want to help him, but I don't know how. The solution is clear, and it's a simple solution. But the execution of the solute, seems to be...more complex than what I first thought it out to be.
Hmmmm, you know. I think I'm really really lucky to have you. I'm glad to have met you. Unlike my ex, you're a whole completely different person. The both of you are worlds apart. But I'd pick you instead anyday now. Because you're you. And what's more, with you, I can breathe. Unlike the past when I felt a little bit suffocation now and then. I can breathe because you let me. You give me the space I need. Not the space I want, but what I need. I feel and think that that's enough, even though sometimes I feel that my life isn't mine any longer. But you're not the factor. It's because I've got quite a mountain of things to clear out of my way at the moment. But thinking of you keeps me going forward now.
Probably no one knows. But it's hard to juggle these things. It's not easy for me to do this. I've got multiple commitments, and all these are going to lower my credibility only. Not only as a boyfriend, but as well as a gamer, a son, a good friend, and a nephew.
I feel like my life has been ripped out of my hands. I picture my past, me sitting in front of the computer, fragging away in Call of Duty 4, and fragging well at it as well. However today, I'm pathetically typing this out, soon after I've finished a not-so-well-played RA3 game with Syed and Leonard.
If I had a choice, I wouldn't have put Business Management as the top choice for my JAE. If not for my Uncle, who'd given me so much over the course of the past 4 years. I would have not put it in. Somehow I have the gut feeling that my posting has already solidified, and it's Business Management. There are things that I want to do, Biomedical, Law & Management, particularly, Astrophysics, Quantam Physics, and History. I have been subtlely put in a position where if I do not even try for Business Management, I will be disappointing my Uncle.
My schedule isn't forgiving. I have to take the day off this coming Monday, and I don't want to. I don't have a choice. There're doings that are outside my control that I have to contend with. I don't like this either way, but I have to deal with it. As a matter of fact, I have only 2 work days next week effectively, and this is NOT looking good on my credibility. Still, it isn't something that's within my power to change.
I like games. Especially computer games. I can spend hours on end playing one. Today, I can't do the same. Simply because I've got another commitment.
I really really really feel like killing the switch. But I can't, because I asked for it. Therefore, I'm going to have to endure it whether I like it or not.
PS: As for that asshole who doesn't know how to prioritize his schedule. Thanks for telling me that you were away for an event that was by your Uncle, but ended up to be playing soccer. I don't care if it's a match or anything. But thanks for showing me that despite all that we've been through, you'd rather care about your credibility on others instead of someone whom from what I recall, depended on quite a bit. I don't recall them getting you a job for a roadshow. I don't recall you saying anything about them visiting someone in the hospital. I can't recall people actually walking up to your fucking doorstep to pass you worksheets from the day that you have a medical leave from school, apart from that girl whom I've started to think that you still take for granted. Thanks a whole fucking bunch asshole.
The completely unexpected happen. The results. Goodness, even though I don't quite care about them.
7 Pounds. Deep, literature, meaningful, beautiful in it's own way. But I cannot appreciate it.