"Gosh, HOLY FUCK, WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I PUT BM AS THE FIRST CHOICE! Shit, FUCK. DAMNIT, DAMN ME!! Damn me and my stupid clogged up noggin when I hit the comfirm button. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! Damnit, smashing my head against the wall wouldn't do good either. DAMNIT. Smashing over 6 times won't do anything either. Sigh. Okay me, calm down, breathe in, breathe out. Okay, good. Just pray god damned hard that BM is full of 12 points people. Please please please please please please please please."

Okays. Rants over, life's back to normal, no point regretting my decision now. Phew.

CNY celebrations. First thing that hit my head:"Lame" Especially this year. We didn't go out on the 2nd day. 1st day was a complete flop. Apparently my 2nd aunt doesn't understand the concept of "more than enough". It is a complete pain up the ass. And I had already planned to eat at the temple because the food there is sooooo much more palatable and actually better! I like the vegetarian food served at the temple every CNY. Take that aunt. >=D Your food isn't as great as you think. So stop ranting on and on and on and on about how you came up with ideas on how your food came along. No one appreciates the thought of being used as a guinea pig for your experiments. Though I really love your hospitality, but sometimes it is simply overboard.

Where'd did we go after 2nd aunt.....well, no where spectacular or anything worth remembering actually. Or rather, nothing with an impact that made me remember anything.

All in all, damn. This year's CNY really sucked. Really.

Shopping with An, damn, I like that pair of jeans!!! Though I realize something all of a sudden. My shoes are white. My sony uniform is BLACK. Something is wrong here. Damn, I hate my sense of fashion more than half the time. I really really hate it.

Recently, something that Jordan has said, has gotten to me quite well, "Qi, you're the study type, can tell."

Seriously, I haven't really studied for 17 years of my life until prior to the O'levels, even which I only started taking my studies seriously about 5 months before O'levels. PSLE, played my games through it. N'levels, only started about 3-5 weeks before the examinations simply because of my wonderfully entertaining english teacher, Mr Yeo Yam Hwee.

If I'm really the study type, I think I would have started studying way way before my secondary school days. I have discipline, but, it's the wrong type of discipline that would put me infront of a book for 9 hours a day. I simply cannot do that. Trust me Jordan, I've tried to start during when we studied together. When you, An, Liang, and Vin weren't at the room yet, occasionally I would plant myself there first, or somewhere else, and start my own thorough reading of my History textbook. I simply cannot study for an extended period of time. I will go crazy. Maybe now I wouldn't because I would love to find something to do apart from gaming and work.

As for myself, I guess I've found disappointment towards myself. For making that impulse decision for that brief moment. Guess I find myself in a pique right now. Life's about making unexpected decisions here and there.

I was once told by someone I cannot name, because that night's coversation never happened between him and me, that my relationship that's ongoing with someone right now, was almost as good as not there. Sad to say, I want to refute that. A relationship doesn't have to be an everyday constantly messaging each other. A relationship is built on trust, not via the virtual connection of two phones. The simple connection of thoughts is enough to keep either party going, should no communication occur between the two parties. And most importantly, both parties have to be sincere and faithful to their cause. No point having a relationship where either of each party feels the slightest distrust or doubt towards the other, because when it happens, the very foundation which the relationship has been built upon crumbles. Ripples will echo out not only to the related parties. But the friends as well, as they are the ones who share the impact of the foundation. Because ultimately they offer their shoulders to help soften the truth. So is my relationship with her close to a friendship? Sadly I think not. And I would prefer to think that it will never become just a friendship. 

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